Some Humorous  Thoughts on Aging Taken From Various Internet Sites

 

The Old Poodle


A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost.  Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"  

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard!  I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.   "Whew!", says the leopard,   "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a near by tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks,"What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey?  I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story..

Don't mess with old geezers...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!

 

 

A  very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, and hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. 

Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

 

Thought for the day:  
     There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.  This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.   

 
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. 

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." 

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet .  I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will 3 times!"
   
 

AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

 
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.   How do you feel?" 

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." 

"Really?  Like a new-born baby:?" 

"Yep.  No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
 

DINNER
                 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.  I would recommend it very highly." 

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"  

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to some-one you love?  You now...the one that's red and has thorns."  

"Do you mean a rose?"  

"Yes, that's the one." replied the man.  He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

 

 Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman---already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.  After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.   "I don't know", he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." 

 
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting...

"Holy cow !...What a ride!"

 

An Alternate To Retirement Homes

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:


1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

 4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.


7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.


8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.


Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America , the Panama Canal, Tahiti , Australia , New Zealand, Asia , or name where you want to go?

Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don't forget, when you die, they can just dump you over the side -- at no charge.

 

 

Senior Moments - Keeping Your Memory

Where's The Bathroom?

Grocery Store Complaints/Suggestions

Grocery Shopping in Norwalk

Senior Citizens Humor Page One - Page Two

Home Page The Village of Milan On The Town Square Thomas Edison Birthplace
Milan Melon Festival Milan Public Library Milan Historical Museum Huron River Greenway
Settlers Weekend Edison Park Milan Cemetery Hoffman Forest Reserve
The Coupling Reserve The Milan Canal James H. McBride Arboretum Castalia Quarry Reserve
Dupont Marsh Galpin Nature Trail Restaurants of Milan Castalia State Fish Hatchery
Churches of Milan Birmingham School Park Antique Shops of Milan Schoepfle Garden
Old Woman Creek Sheldon Marsh Osborn Recreation Area Pelton Park
History of Milan, Ohio Edison Woods Preserve Historic Homes of Milan Milan State Wildlife Area
Erie Metroparks Places To Visit in Area MilanArea Site Map Cruisin on the Square
Photo Gallery Idaho Artwork Page Mid-Summer Antique Fest Eagle Point Preserve
Milan Weather Map Milan Area Links Milan Recreational Parks Sites to Visit on Net